


Padfoot's Life of Consant Dreaming

by MarshmallowMuses



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Blood, Depression, F/M, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Mentions of homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-12 06:39:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7924498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarshmallowMuses/pseuds/MarshmallowMuses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius has always known he would meet him again someday, but he had always secretly hoped he would remember too... even though no one else had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sirius slouched into the park bench behind him with a huff, a coffee clasped between cold hands as he waited for his ever late friends. James and Peter were never on time, Peter just over slept and James was always in the library trying to woo some girl from his law class, Lily Evans. She stole his best friend, even in this life. That’s right Sirius Black believed in reincarnation. Hard not to really when you dreamt of people you’d never met in situations that simply weren’t logical only to meet them in reality and for them to be the same, face, name and voice as you remembered them. He’d told James and eventually Peter, James didn’t remember anything but believed him anyway, always the loyal best friend. He got Sirius to write and draw what he remembered. He nearly doubted him just once, when Sirius drew Lily for the first time and told James that when he met her she’s hate him... But in a past life they eventually married. James had been adamant he wouldn’t swoon after a girl who hated him but his tune change the moment he laid eyes on Lily Evans’s herself. By university Sirius had met nearly everyone he remembered from dreams. Some of them were different, different last names, different relationships and even different ages but he always recognised them... Everyone but one person. He could never remember his real name, only the nickname, one like he James and Peter had. Moony... The bookish werewolf from his dreams was absent still from his life. His best friend in a different way to James who was like his brother, Remus had been his packmate under the full moon, wolf and dog together in the forest. That just made things different. He missed it 

“Ho Padfoot.” James flopped beside him with a dopey look on his face, Peter coming up behind them. 

“God what did Evans do to put that look on your face?”

“She agreed on a date!” 

“She said she’d let you buy her a coffee if you left her alone for the rest of the day.” Peter argued.

“I’ve got classes later anyway.” James rolled his eyes. “I couldn’t see her again until tomorrow even without the bet.”

“I don’t think miracles happen twice Prongs.” Sirius teased.

“Shut it Black. Just because there are differences here to what you remember doesn’t mean Lily wont fall in love with me.”

“Mate, in the dreams you turn into a bloody stag. I don’t think they’re like for like with reality.”

“Yeah I suppose... and you were straight.” James smirked.  
“Who knows, didn’t get much of a chance to settle down before I was thrown in jail.” He smirked at Peter over his shoulder who squeaked. “You’re 21 and not dead and Peter isn’t a dirty traitor. Things here are different.”

“Heh I suppose so.” James pouted.

“But I suppose if you can Charm a girl once it might work again.” Sirius added with a smile so not to completely dishearten his friend. 

“Thanks Pads...”

“PADFOOT! Hey! Stop that!” A laughing voice cracked across the park and stabbed Sirius in the heart. Even James looked up at the name the voice used. Sirius was stunned momentarily so James took it upon himself to locate the male sat in the grass fending off a massive black dog who was lavishing his face with its tongue. Even James recognised him. How could he not recognise the infamous Moony that Sirius had drawn a thousand times. 

“Holy shit... Sirius its-“

James was cut off as Sirius got to his feet and walked over, he seemed almost calm but James knew better so he was quick to follow with Peter on their tail. When Sirius got closer the dog spotted him and bounded over, bouncing around him cheerily before following him back over to Moony. “Padfoot get back here! Ah... sorry.” He added in Sirius’s direction. Sirius looked at him but didn’t speak at first, only petted the dogs head and took the other in. He was just as he remembered, his eyes were golden Amber and his hair chestnut brown. His face still held scars but in different places than he remembered and he still wore ridiculous oversized jumpers. When none of the three guys who had approached him spoke Remus got to his feet awkwardly. “I’m Remus by the way... Remus Lupin.” 

“Peter Pettigrew.” Peter grinned, being the first to find his voice.

“Potter, James Potter.” James grinned before jabbing Sirius in the side.

“I’m Sirius Black.” He added a little too quickly. 

“Nice to meet you all. Sorry about Padfoot...He doesn’t usually get so excited to meet strangers. In fact he usually growls at them if they come too close.”

“Sounds like a guard dog.” James chuckled. “Not that he’s doing a great job, drooling over Sirius and all.”

“He is... He must trust you for some reason. Well he’s always been a good judge of character so I trust you guys are good fellas” Remus smiled.

“So. You new to the area?” James asked conversationally.

“Yeah... Just starting at the university... A year and a half late but...” He shrugged. “Actually it might be fate we met Potter. I just remember where I heard your name before.”

“Eh mine?”

“Yeah you really pissed off Lils the other week. I pity a man on her bad side.” He chuckled.

“You know Evans?” Sirius asked lightly, James heard the caution in his voice. 

“Yeah... She’s a good friend. We grew up together, my little sister always adored her as well.” Sirius frowned, he was sure Moony didn’t have a sister. “Nym actually dyed her hair red one year to match. Mum nearly lost it.”

Sirius’s eyes widened, Nym could only be one person, he didn’t remember much about them, and they had only met a few times before he died… Nymphadora Tonks, Moony’s wife, was his sister in this life. James chuckled once he noticed Sirius was clearly not coming up with much verbal dialogue. “Well Lily’s hair is something to admire.” He made a mock dramatic swoon before straighten up. “But seriously Remus, we’re a pretty chill group of mates, you should come hang with us some time at the university. “What are you studying?”

“Ah… Thanks. I’m taking a Major in English literature.” Remus smiled a brilliantly bright smile. 

“Hey Sirius is Minoring in English Lit.” Peter piped in, nudging Sirius, “You guys will probably see a lot of each other!”

Sirius rose his gaze to meet Remus’s “Maybe we will…”


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius chewed irritably on the end of his pencil as he glared down at his sketch book where the basic outline of a woodland scene stared back. It was an assignment from the professor. A woodland scene how the artist best imagined it. Everyone was doing their own thing, Sirius of course was going to draw it but he couldn’t envision it properly. He groaned and dropped his head to the paper. “Problems?” 

Sirius’s head shot up at the voice of Remus Lupin. Of course Sirius knew he was in the library too... He worked there with Lily sometimes but he hadn’t at all expected him to speak to him. Remus was looking over at him, half turned away from the bookshelf where he was returning books to their place. “I er... Art project. Woodland in our style.”

“I see... Must be hard to force inspiration.” He nodded in understanding. 

“Yeah... and I don’t really appreciate forests like I used to.” Sirius shrugged. “They used to mean more to me but now...”

“Why don’t you tap into your younger self? The one who liked the forests? Draw it from their point of view. Maybe do a first person view point?” Remus mused “Authors do it all the time, put themselves into the story, rather than being a neutral viewer. I’ve always thought that made things more personal... Like they wrote it just for you to read and join them in their story.”

“So... I could use a first person view point... to draw the viewer of my work into the forest with me?” Sirius mused before slamming his hand down on the table and exclaiming, “You’re a fucking genius mate!!” Suddenly Sirius had a vision of what he wanted to create, the inspiration sparked through him like electricity.

“I appreciate the sentiment Sirius, but if Lily hears you shouting and swearing in the library she’ll castrate you.”

“But I’ll have an A on this project!!.... No wait! I need that!” Sirius crossed his hands into his lap. “Don’t let her take me Remus!”

Remus chuckled and rolled his eyes. “She’s not here, she’s having coffee with James.”

“I still cannot believe that became a regular thing.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Hey you should let me buy you a coffee Remus… You know. To thank you for the inspiration.”  
Remus bit his lip as he leant back against the book shelf. “Ok,” He decided “I’ll let you buy me a coffee. I finish in half an hour, can you wait?”  
Sirius grinned happily. “I can wait, I have something to work on now after all.”

Sirius was leant up against the wall outside when Remus came out, the sky was starting to glow orange and a crisp autumn breeze was blowing. Sirius was wearing his aged leather jacket and had his hands in his pockets, waiting for Remus. When the librarian came out he was bundled in a collared button coat, a scarf hung loosely under his collar. “Sorry… I got delayed.” He apologised as he approached Sirius.

“Don’t worry about it.” Sirius pushed off the wall and nodded for them to head off, Remus easily fell into step beside him as they walked down the steps in front of the library. “I know what you’re like with books.”

“You make it sound like you’ve know me forever. Yet it’s only been a few months.” Remus mused lightly.

Sirius found himself clearing his throat. “Yeah well.... guess I just know your type.”

“I am quite offended by that Sirius Black. I’ll have you know I am a very unique book nerd.” A hand lightly swatted at Sirius’s arm playfully as a sweet laugh passed Remus’s lips.

Sirius was happy, sure he couldn’t tell Remus what he saw at night... or what he knew. But he was happy like this, slowly charming his way into Remus’s life and making him happy. There was so much he wanted to learn about this Remus, what was his home life like, how had he got the scars that were so different but yet still that same and why had he named his dog Padfoot. “Oh sure Remus. Because you don’t wear old fashioned jumpers and live your life with your nose in a book.”  
“I’ll have you know this boring bookworm may be just that on the outside. However under my fashion sense I have... A tattoo.” Remus had paused like he wasn’t going to tell Sirius at first. 

“And why have I not seen this? It would defiantly have one you man points.” Sirius chuckled.

“Because, Sirius, I keep my clothes on around you.” Remus poked him lightly. “Very, very few people have seen my tattoo.”

“Christ is it on yer ass or something.” Sirius whistled only to get another whack from Remus 

“My back!! It’s on my bloody back you ass!” 

Sirius laughed as they came up on the coffee shop, where he opened the door for Remus. “Your ass you mean.” 

“You’re unbelievable.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“Shut up you love it.” Sirius smirked.

“You’re far too confident.”

“I’ll have you know I’m the perfect amount of confident.” 

“Oi. You two actually going to order anything?” The redhead behind the counter was none other than Molly Prewett. Sirius remembered her as a motherly woman who   
had been several years older than him and later married and had a grand total of seven kids. In this life she was only a year older and a good friend of Sirius’s and still retained her motherly approach to everything.

“Alright Mols.” Sirius chuckled “I’ll take a large black coffee and a latte with caramel. Ta.” 

“Single shot caramel or double, Black?”

“May as well make it a double. He likes it sweet. Probably still add sugar to it either way.” Sirius handed over some money and Molly just rolled her eyes.

“Hey! How would you know how sweet I like my coffee!?” Remus asked with elbow to Sirius’s side.

“Magic~” Sirius wiggled his fingers in Remus’s face. “I’m sorry did you want something different?”

“Well no I…” Remus crossed his arms and huffed in annoyance. 

Sirius just laughed as he handed his card over to Molly who was watching the two in amusement. 

“Then zip it Remmy.”

“Make me Siri.” Remus countered. There was a moment of supercharged silence as the two locked eyes.

“Your coffees!” Molly had a cheery smile on her face, smug at having destroyed the moment.

“Ta Mols.” Sirius shot her a glare as he took the coffees from her and heading over to a small table by the window, Remus following in tow. They sat down and sure enough Remus reached for the sugar.

“Shut it.” He huffed at Sirius’s knowing smirk as he poured sugar into the latte and stirred it absently. “Though… You can tell me why you really invited me out today?”

“To thank you for-“

“That’s not it. You… have a very small group of actual friends. You wouldn’t take someone out to coffee as a thank you.”

“Dammit Remus… Is it a crime to want to get to know you?”

“No just… I am not the type people like you usually befriend.” Remus lowered his head and Sirius felt like he knew the lack of confidence in the stance. 

“Hey listen here!” Sirius’s sharp words at least got Remus to look up. “My best friends are studying animal psychology and law I hardly have the typical friends of a grumpy guy who likes to wear leather. I wanted to take you to coffee so we could get to know each other better because you’re actually the exact type I would like to befriend.”

A warm blush spread across Remus’s cheeks as he lowered his eyes a little, “Thanks Sirius… I er… It means a lot.”

“Whatever… I’m not an asshole you know.”

“Yeah… Sorry Sirius, I’m not really… I don’t usually trust people.” Remus fidgeted with his fingers awkwardly.

“Remus…” Sirius found himself reaching across the table and taking one of his hands. “I… Don’t know what happened to you … and I won’t ask. Just let me be your friend.”

Remus stared at their conjoined hands and squeezed lightly. “Thank you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People wanted more so there we go!! I now have a Beta reader who is Ookami_prince on here!!! Much love to my life saver. Should be a few more chapters to come so I hope you all enjoy! Drop a comment or kudos if you do ;P


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning: This chapter contains some sadness, mentions of homophobia and depression.   
> Thanks to Ookami_Prince for being my proof reader once again and putting up with me :)

As the weeks passed by Sirius and Remus got closer and closer. They got coffee together, the occasional lunch. By the time Halloween came around Remus hanging out in Sirius’s apartment was a normal occurrence. They hardly spoke on those occasions, Sirius would be working on some kind of painting for class and Remus would simply curl up on Sirius’s battered arm chair to read. Their friendship was comfortable for sure but there was a gap, a gap they hadn’t bridged. Sirius knew there were things Remus hadn’t told him, things that he wasn’t ready to tell him. Sirius never pushed him and he knew Remus appreciated the comfortable silence and open acceptance. ]

Halloween came along and Sirius found himself alone. James and Lily had gone off to a party and Peter had gone how to visit his parents, even Remus was busy. Sirius decided to curl up on the couch with a couple of bags of seasonal treats and whatever shitty Halloween movies where on the TV. A few kids came along and Sirius gave them sweets as was the tradition. It was around 9:30 when there was a knock at Sirius’s door, though it was more of a crash to his ears. He was up pretty quickly but a knocking persisted, without rhythm and rather loud. He swung the door open and instead of annoying kid like he thought, his eyes landed on a rather drunk Remus Lupin. “What the-“

Remus fell through the door and Sirius just managed to catch him and haul him back to his own two feet, kicking the door closed behind him. “Hey Siri~” Remus grinned up at him, still leaning pretty heavily on him. “Mm glad ya home~”

“Yeah, you knew I would be… What are you doing here?” Sirius managed to get one of Remus’s arms around his shoulder and started to carry him towards the living area. “It’s not like you to get drunk.”

“Hmm~ I was stood up~ So I drank alone.” Remus collapsed onto the sofa and automatically curled himself up into a ball, grappling a pillow into his arms. He pouted up at Sirius how was stood over him with his hands on his hips. “Apparently I’m still not good enough.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Oh please. I’m sure whoever stood you up is an idiot. Any girl would fall at your feet if you looked their way.”

“Well guess that explains why a guy stood me up.” Remus stuck his tongue out at Sirius who sighed and flopped onto small section of sofa that wasn’t currently occupied by a whiny, drunk, Remus. “I’, gay Sirius… Surrrrrr-prise~” Remus stretched out to make his point, managing to kick Sirius in the process.

“Ok… Well then every guy ought be falling at your feet.” Sirius simply grabbed Remus’s feet and placed them on his lap. 

“You’re not.” Remus grumbled. “Besides… Should have known after how the lassssssst guy ended up.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius nudged him lightly. “What happened with your ex?”

“You wanna know how I got these scars?” Remus’s made a terrible Joker impression as he gestured to himself.

“Remus…” Sirius took a dep breath. “I don’t think you want to tell me… You’re drunk.”

“Why are you such a nice guy? You asshole, anyone else would have let me tell you.” Remus wriggled, his feet left Sirius’s lap and he moved about until he was sat up close to Sirius and could rest his head on the others shoulder.

“You’re contradicting yourself Remus… I can’t be nice and an asshole at the same time.” Sirius let his arm wrap around the other, he may not let Remus reveal his past to him under the influence of alcohol but he sure as hell wasn’t good enough to not use the opportunity to get close to him physically. 

“I say you can.” He huffed.

“Yeah… I think you should sleep.” Sirius chuckled slightly. 

Remus whined slightly. “It’s only 10… ‘s too early.”

“Maybe… I’ll get you some water to drink but then you have to sleep… or you’re going to severally regret this in the morning.” Sirius got to his feet much to Remus’s protest and headed into his kitchen to get a glass of water for his drunk friend. When he returned Remus has flopped on the sofa again so Sirius had to pull him up so he could sit again, Remus dropping his head to the others chest the second Sirius was sat down. Sirius pressed the glass into Remus’s hands and nudged it towards his lips. “Come on Remus… drink up.”

“Fine…” Remus raised the glass to his lips and took a few deep gulps, letting the water wash away some of the bitter alcoholic residue. He drank only half a glass before giving it back to Sirius who placed it on the side table out of reach before wrapping his arms back around the other and pulling his head to his chest.

“Go to sleep now Remus…” Sirius ran his hand through his hair. 

Remus made a slight argumentative noise but Sirius could feel him relaxing and soon his breathing evened out and he was asleep. Sirius turned his attention back to his bad Halloween movies and waited for himself to be tired enough to drift off himself, cuddle up with his Moony on the couch.

When Remus woke up the next morning the first thing he registered was a foggy feeling in his head and how dry his mouth was. He groaned a little as he buried his head further into his pillow and attempted to go back to sleep. Wait… Since when was his pillow this hard! Remus’s eyes shot open and his slowly rose his head up to see that he was in fact not laying in his bed back home, but instead he was curled against the chest of none other than Sirius Black. Slowly memories trickled back from the night before, his being stood up, and drowning his sorrows in the foulest drink he had ever tasted and then somehow finding his way to Sirius’s place. He remembered Sirius refusing to hear the story of his scars and making him drink water before falling asleep. The TV was still on, now playing the morning news quietly in the background as Remus took in the view of sleeping Sirius.

“Good Morning.” A small smirk played on Sirius’s lips and he turned his head down and opened his eyes to meet Remus’s. “How are you feeling?”

“I thought you were asleep.” Remus mumbled, avoiding the question. 

“You moved… woke me up.” He hummed suppressing his yawn. “How are you feeling?” He asked again.

Remus sighed. “Fuzzy… Dry…” He grumble, his voice was thick and heavy, it sounded unnatural to his own ears.   
Sirius reached his free arm (the one not still wrapped around Remus) back and picked up the half full glass and handed it to Remus. “Here.”

Remus downed the glass and handed it back, “Thanks.” His voice sounded somewhat better already. “Sorry… About last night.”

“It’s ok. No one likes to be stood up.” Sirius ran his hands through the others hair. “It’s better you came here than going to your flat…”

“I supposed so… Nym might have favoured lecturing me about getting drunk over looking after me.” Remus nodded. “I haven’t one something this stupid since… My first day out of hospital.”

“Remus…” Sirius gave the other a look, it both warned him against saying anymore but also showed he was open to listen. 

Remus caught his eye “I want to tell you.” He whispered before lowering his head to Sirius’s chest again. I was 13 when I came to the conclusion I was gay. It wasn’t a massive deal to me, I didn’t shout about it but I didn’t strictly hide it either. Everyone at my school knew, it started as rumours and when people asked me directly I gave them a direct answer in return. I didn’t see the sneers, didn’t hear the verbal jabs, I didn’t want to. When I was 16 a guy asked me out and I was so so happy… only it was a ploy to get me alone somewhere… where he and his friends… they…” Remus was shaking slightly so Sirius silently wrapped his arms tighter around the other, holding him close, comforting him until he could continue. “They beat me… with fists… and with knifes…” His voice broke as a sob racked through him. “I nearly died…”

“Shushhhh. It’s ok… I’m right here Remus…” Sirius didn’t know what to say as he gently rocked Remus in his arms, reaching down to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

“I was in… hospital for months.” He managed to find his voice again after a little while, despite the trauma he felt safe in the arms of Sirius. “Nearly a year… When I got out I was not in a terrible place. I wouldn’t leave the house and if I did it was by force of a family member. I continued my education from home… it was easier like that. Mum and dad got me a puppy on my 18th birthday… Padfoot helped me a lot… and here we are 2 years later and I thought I was finally able to manage university… Guess I was wrong.”

“No. Come on Remus. You’re the smartest guy I know, the strongest too.” Sirius breathed out a sigh. “You’re so stupidly nice to everyone you meet despite everything you just told me… and really you have the best taste in dog names. 

Remus gave a croak of a laugh. “Padfoot is a name from a dream. The name made me feel safe and I hoped my dog would make me feel the same…”

“A dream huh.” Sirius was cautious with his words but inside his was in a turmoil, what with Remus’s story and now the knowledge that Remus has dreamed of Padfoot. Sure it hadn’t been in the detail he had remembered… but he remembered the comfort of Padfoot. 

“Hmm. Dreams where always the best way to escape my reality when I was in hospital.” Remus snuggled closer to Sirius, “I have other escapes now.” 

“I’m sure… Though it seems as though you dreams are asking you to escape again.” Sirius chuckled softly.

“I guess… I’m tired still I guess… and you’re warm.” Remus yawned.

“Emotional things can make you tired… It’s ok. Take another nap. I’ll still be here when you wake up.” Sirius promised, even as he spoke he felt the other drifting off so he dropped a lightly kiss on the top of his head and settled down to watch the news while Remus slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed!! I will start working on the next chapter this weekend so it should appear sometime next week!! If you like this story, or have some constructive criticism please leave a comment below :)


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